Imagine

IMAGINE being so insecure or whatever...that you lowkey accuse your wife of cheating with someone who follows her on social media. Because of that, I have deleted all my pictures on X and will most likely never add them back. The ONLY reason I know this took place, is the man who was accused of cheating with me sent me screenshots of the conversation. Even better.....imagine being so pissed off but you have no reason to be pissed off, but you can't let on that your pissed off. OHHHH and icing on the cake, he can't even talk to his guys friends, because then he has to admit my nudes were on X. Communication goes a long way. At this point my marriage is laughable. Nevermind how it makes me feel. Like 30 years dude...If you want a break, just fucking say it. I'd rather be alone, than sit in a room with so much tension it can be cut with a knife.

Mom status or wife?

In the military, when someone decides to retire, a ceremony of some sorts is usually given. There's a part in the traditional ceremony where they retiring member expresses their graditude to their kids and spouse as they have stood by you the entire time, making unheard of sacrifices. Then there is another part of the ceremony where other people could be thanked, example: mom, friends, mentors...etc. Yes those people are important, but they haven't lived the sacrifices the kids and spouse have. They don't know the triumphs and trying to figure out how to tell your babies, daddy will be home in 6 months, but whatever. Having that ONE moment in the past 30 years be about just you and the girls, not sharing it with anyone, completely crushed. My desire to even want to be involed with this event came to a scretching hault when I found out that my girls and I were being presented at the same time as the mom. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? What does she know about sacrifices being made? She seen her kids, spouse, friends daily. She got to stay in the same area for 30 FUCKING years, but yes lets thank her for all her sacrifices when you have literally missed vital important details of our kids life; moved us from here to there; no support from family, including her. BUT whatever. I guess me being upset about that makes it seems I am childish, but it's definitely not that. It's just one more thing to prove where not only our kids stand, but myself included.

Secrets

I can keep secrets, duh, but dammit this is my OWN secret. Honestly, it's probably a bad decision, but I am 100% a believer that things happen for a reason. I'm also stupidly excited for it. You can't deny that... There's a greater force out there and it knows my plan. Hopefully it ends with at least an acre of land, and a copper claw foot soaking tub with a view..hahahahha.

October 13, 2024

Let me just preface with, I don't hate my life, I just need to be appreciated While at the gym, I send a text stating....Hey get the wings for lunch, that sounds good. He knows I can't do spicy, like literally can't do it. Does he tell me they're spicy? Nah...lets me take a bite and then proudly announces I woudn't like them because they're spicy. So let me get this straight...you purposedly ordered spicy wings so I wouldn't eat them for lunch? Make it make sense!! Yesterday's childish behavior was over the brand new washer and dryer and the app. I should smoke weed, it irritates him more than anything now.

October 8, 2024

It's been a long ass time since I've been here. Honestly I forgot all out this blog, but I need to restart blogging my life. I'm not even sure where to start because so much shit has happened but I'll give the short version and then go from there. As Hurricane Milton brews in the gulf heading towards the west side of Florida, definitely leaving his mark across the entire state. My house is currently under a hurricane warning and I'm on the opposite side of landfall. Today's daily dose of motivation: Me: hey, do you want Chicken Salad Chick Him: that's fine, get what you want. He gets home and AFTER I said "yay doordash is on the way" He IMMEDIATELY proceeds to check the account and states---wow that's an expensive lunch. It's like making me feel guilty for ordering out, when he already knew the amount. I just can't do this. I don't want to spend the rest of my life angry and I have a LOT of anger towards him. He has a type: black hair and spanish. For this reason alone, I refuse to ever dye my hair black. He doesn't listen to anything I say, ever. I have no opinion on anything. Yesterday, I was told I was allergic to work. Please don't let my brain start remembering. Because like, literally, WHAT THE FUCK I just have to keep remembering the goals I have personally set for myself. Education, Job,.... What I want: PEACE and QUIET. It's simple. The freedom to not be judged if I smoke weed, or how often. The freedom to order doordash and not be made to feel guilty. Not picking up after another grown adult. There's more, because lord knows I have 30 fucking years worth of reasons. Till next time.It's been a long ass time since I've been here. Honestly I forgot all out this blog, but I need to restart blogging my life.